The Good Life

We work in the dark.
We do what we can.
We give what we have.
-- Henry James

I've entered a whole new world of seeing. A new realm of experience. So filled with joy. Panic attacks every once in a while, but has eased enormously, and I am content. I identify with others instead of compare. I find that giving really is so much better than receiving. I am becoming an active participant of my life. It feel good to feel a part of instead of apart from. It feels good to open my heart, ease out denial, ease out fear, ease out all the anger and meanness that goes with it. Feels good to truly take care of myself. To pursue what I love without thinking of the end result, of feeling as if I need to prove myself to anyone. Creating for creation's sake, for the earthly, even heavenly pleasure of creative satisfaction. I work in the dark. I do what I can. I give what I have. My scope has widened, my well deepened. My reach stretches further, without strain. My world felt very small and terrifying for a very long time. Today it is huge, without limit, and filled with a love ever deepening, ever expanding. Experience and understanding are two very different things. From the terrified mind to the rhythmic, beating heart, where life goes red and raw and true. Experience kicks the ass of understanding. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Pour in love and thou shalt draw out love. You are what you perceive. Wherever you go, there you are. Cliches are cliches because they're proven truths. And it's the cliches, Jeannette Winterson once said, that get you in the end. But today, that's a good thing.


kelly rae said…
oh ama, i see you! i see the you that you are finally seeing. isn't it wonderful?
karen said…
"I am becoming an active participant of my life."
I'm so happy to read these thoughts of yours and to celebrate your rebirth with you! This new year is brimming with possibilities for you, because you will make it so!
Love you and miss you dearly!
Stacy said…
>Experience kicks the ass of understanding. Imagination is more important than knowledge.<
That is so true and just the thing I needed to read today!
Thank you!

p.s. Cowgirl says Hey!
Clare Jane said…
Pursuing what you love without feeling you have to prove anything to anyone is so, so hard sometimes and to recognize that is huge. It's something I still struggle with myself. So glad to have you writing again, my sweet.
Jena said…
this is your old, old friend who used to sing the beatles in the ocean with you. miss you and love you.

myumblog said…
what- you trying to make me cry? why you trying to make me cry?
i love my ama (come up to nyc dammit!) maya
kelly rae said…
i was telling maya today on the phone (while getting caught up on her love life - oh my!) how excited i am for you, how proud i am of you, and how you are very much an inspiration to me. miss you.

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